DuckieDroplets

I got a webbie from a friend, joel (http://www.friendster.com/7809834) … It’s something like a quiz site. Find it very amusing because all you have to do is to click 8 color cubes according to the ones you find it most "harmonious". And then it’ll tell you your personality… Surprisingly, it’s pretty accurate. So I thought I’d share it with all of you: http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm

Below is what it has to say about me…

—————————————————————————–

You are very ambitious and because you seek and need recognition, you try in your own way to impress people and you want to be looked up to - to be both popular and admired. You feel that there is a gap which separates you from your fellow man, or woman as the case may be, but this anxiety is an unnecessary one. Keep on the way you are going and you may surprise yourself.

You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding. You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn’t worked out.

Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you. You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others.

You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

——————————————————————————–

Pretty true eh? =)

It has been one of a freakin HELL week… although it hasn’t end as more is to be expected. But all the burden dear ol’ Stravinsky has thrown upon my shoulders are now released. I can’t help grinning every time the words: "It’s OVER" crosses my mind.

Ever since 3 weeks ago I’ve been preparing this repertoire for my mid-term conducting examination. And since I’m a conducting student, of course this exam means A LOT to me compared to all the other subjects. And due to my VERY hectic schedule, I really didn’t have enough time to do everything slowly. Everything was going at such a fast pace (Allegro Vivace) that it really just sweeps me away at times.

The worst thing about Stravinsky Concerto for Strings in D is not conducting it during "exam". It’s the rehearsals and practices… since I had to conduct 2 pianos… I will need 2 PIANISTS. The "usual" and "easy" + "safe" way will be to let the two piano accompaniment teachers play. But my "LOVELY" conducting teacher - Yang Li, insist that it was played by his students. And there’s only 5 of us….

1) Ma Ding - year 5, impossible to ask her to play cuz she has to prepare for her graduation

2) ChenKe - Year 2… good piano technics, bad sight reading, slow reactions, but nice person larr. EXCEPT the fact that he JUST broke up with his 7 year gf … so, he’ll be having mood swings from time to time. Will be conducting Barber of Seville’s Overture…

3) Zhao HaoTing - Year 2… normal piano technics; okay sight reading; thinks he’s ZhaoHaoTing-al-mighty but is actually not so. Will also be conducting Stravinsky Concerto for Strings in D

4) Huang Yi - Year 1…good piano technics; good sight reading; nice person but very lazy to practice. Will be conducting Barber of Seville’s Overture…

Ah-hah. Who to choose???? The wiser choice between No.2 to No.4 will be "Huang Yi on the 2nd and Chen Ke on the 1st Piano" BUT Huang Yi is TOO lazy to practice 2nd piano (it IS the harder one). BUT if Chen Ke plays 2nd, he’ll probably have problems coping with the speed and rhythm and spinning his brain twice as fast.

So… Who did I end up with??? Well, Huang Yi as usual didn’t practice because nobody FORCED him to. Hao Ting practiced the first piano (easy larrr)… and NOBODY played the 2nd piano. So, during my 2nd class, I had to sing. And teacher got pretty mad… so he made ChenKe play the 2nd piano (Huang Yi was lucky NOT to be there at that specific moment… lucky for him, unlucky for me). SO… I ended up with Chen Ke on the 2nd and HaoTing on the 1st. You can also say … I ended up with a MASSIVE HEADACHE.

Problems occurred during practices:

1) RHYTHM - The rhythm ITSELF is hard, even for me. All the time changing just makes you dizzy. So, it took me like 5 to 6 practices to GET them to play the RIGHT Rhythm.

2) PLAYING TOGETHER - Honestly. They NEVER PLAYED together until LAST NIGHT. And that was a "ONE TIME" thing. I’m not saying play together until the end WITHOUT mistakes oh… It was the ONE TIME WITH SUPER LOTSA MISTAKE that I pretended not to see or hear because I was freakin’ worried that they will stop in the middle of the exam.

3) PRACTICING - They just DON’T practice. OKAY… maybe they DO play the piece… but not in DETAILS. You can tell larrr… You think you dealing with people that dunno music meh?? Their concept is this: As long as I can play in rhythm is okay geh, notes correct or not nevermind larr. It DROVE ME CRAZY. But what can I do??? Ask them to practice?? HELLO? I’m YOUNGER than them… and if I ask more, they’ll gimme the "face". Bloody right? I know… and IF I ask them to come for extra practices, they very nice geh… will say "ok" at first. Then LAST minute tell me either they have something else, or they are TOO TIRED.

4) ATTITUDE - Mr. al-mighty thinks he’s Mr. al-mighty larrr. So when ever he plays wrong and I tell him off he’ll be turning the table around and TELL ME OFF instead. @.@ And he Won’T admit his fault. (Yesh, I dun like him… lolx. SOrrry LARRR). Then Mr.Nice is BUSY having mood swings. GAH.

Well, in-return of their favor for being my accompanist, I am their accompanist as well. LUCKY them, I’m always in-time with my rhythm, and always react VERY quickly to everything they want. GAH. SO UNFAIR. I do my part and they what??? IGNORE me. *pukes*

But thankfully teacher adores me, so when it was obvious that they were bullying me, he totally STOOD UP FOR ME. *Touch*. Like yesterday during our last class before exam… I was up on the podium ready with my baton up in the air (sign of starting) to continue after the previous stop, and they kept on talking and talking and talking to each other… discussing about the previous mistake they made..

Mr.al-mighty: Aiyarrr, we practices ourselves larr. We always can do it ourselves geh.

Mr.nice in his weird mood: Ya lorr. We can always play once through without stopping when we play ourselves. When we see people conducting, then we sure cannot play already.

I was like thinking: What? So it’s my fault larrr??? They keep saying it was my problem, my problem, my problem… until at a point my teacher couldn’t stand it and went: "If you are BOTH in an Orchestra, I would have fired BOTH of you by now. If you want to talk about JiaYing’s conducting problems. Can you make it AFTERWARDS? Not when the conductor is READY and WAITING with the baton?? LEARN to pay respect for goodness sake."

I totally went into "angry-but-still-managing-to-keep-myself-together" to "totally-flooded-with-tears" and excused myself to the toilet. The two of them has been pushing it too hard and too far, every time I tell them something, they’ll have their excuse, their problems, and etc. I do get mad at them, and when I raise my tone a little, they DO quiet down. But of course larr, they don’t like me THAT way… And I CANNOT do it that way all the time. So everything they start doing the "Jia Ying is WRONG. Not our Fault" discussion, it just irritates me to HELL. The MOST iresponssible thing was what Mr.Nice said YESTERDAY. A day BEFORE exam… "I can GUARENTEE you I cannot play in time tomorrow. Because I will have stage frights, and I will DEFINITELY play wrong." I was totally blasted off again, of course. But I couldn’t do anything… and felt EXTREMELY helpless because I just couldn’t do anything at that time. HOW could people say SUCH irresponsible things?

This morning, they were SUPPOSED to REACH at 9am. Exam starts at 8:30am but there’s around 10 of them in front of me… 4 from high school and 6 of my year since I’m the last. Mr. Nice came at sharp 9… we played for Huang Yi first. Huang Yi’s exam went rather fine except for the last part where Mr.Nice on the 1st piano kept rushing and ALMOST made a total mess out of it.

Then after Huang Yi, they will be 4 more people to my turn. AND Mr. Al-mighty was NO WHERE to be seen. I was totally freaked out. If he comes any minute later, I might LOSE my chance to work with them at least ONE time before I go into the chamber of death. And that was already like what…. 10am??? Mr.Nice called him and he said: I’m ALMOST there. And I waited for 10 bloody minutes before he came in with some lousy excuse. I was SO freakin worried I was almost in tears.

Then during that ONE time practice, they COULDN’T MANAGE a one shot through the whole piece, stopping around 2 times. Both times, it was Mr. Al-mighty’s fault. I didn’t even want to say anything. Mr. Nice could see I was TOTALLY tensed. And this was a Crazy and FUNNY piece. YEA, thanks for all the mood ruining.

Stepping onto the podium in the exam room with A ZILLION pair (exagerating, but there’s a lot… like 7 teachers + students) of eyes watching you and with your orchestra that HASN’T exactly played the whole thing through without mistakes, and a score that is like HELL to memorize… how much confidence can you have??? ZERO~~~ SCORE! Yea… But you cannot show that you have no confidence and you feel like suiciding in the exam. You’re the conductor now… You’re the BOSS. So, work it out~ Everybody’s looking at you.

So I stood, tall and proud… With a light almost sly-ish smile (to match the song’s crazy mood) hanging on my lips. I would look totally confident… but once you lay eyes on my baton, everything would be given away. It was SHAKING like mad. I WAS SHAKING like mad. I could even feel my teeth trembling… After a few long moments singing the first few bars in my mind… I took a deep breath and WHOOSH my baton started the piece. In no time, it ended. There were CLASHES of uneven harmonies, splashes of wrong time-crossing, and even HORRIBLE co-ordination between pianos. But I didn’t care anymore, it was all done. I took a bow and stepped off the podium. There were smiles on a lot of people’s face that I couldn’t quite understand, and didn’t cared to understand. I went out, and thanked both my pianist for doing a "wonderful" job SINCERELY. Yea, at least they didn’t stop… and what more can you say larr? They DID play for you what.

NO. Not "The End" yet…

After me, it was Mr. Nice’s turn first… He’s Barber of Sevill’s Overture was much better because I was controlling the 1st piano this time, and there was no rushing. (Some times I wonder if he did it on purpose… both of them didn’t like Huang Yi. BUt think again, nah. He’s not evil.) After Mr. Nice, it was Mr.Al-mighty’s turn… his version of Stravinsky Concerto for Strings in D was near PERFECTION. Thanks TO ME lorrrrr… Because I always play in time and lead Chen Ke if he goes wrong. But the "Sweatest" thing was… when we stepped out of the exam room. THE FIRST THING THAT SoaB said was: "Did you know you PLAYED THE WRONG RHYTHM at bla bla bla???" Then I told him: No… I didn’t~! (I really DIDN’T. Both pianos were together, he HIMSELF was confused with his own conducting) And he kept on insisted. And when I said: "This is what you say to your accompanist when they finish playing for you?" He went sarcastically: "Thank You lorr." I was totally disgusted and turned to walk away immediately. *(@&#*&#%@#&^@%#!@%^

He’s got brain problems larr… BOTH of them. Make my life MISERABLE only.

Oh well, they are some nice things that happened also larr… Like Prof. Yang Hong Nian the… really really old conducting teacher (SUPER famous choir conductor) and also father to my conducting teacher, Yang Li, really likes me. Hehehe, he kinda has the idea of bringing me up under his guidance. And most of the teachers that saw me conduct today said I improved a lot… PLUS, I sound good vocally.. haha, I sang as mezzo-sop Solo, Verdi’s Requiem for my 师姐 Ma Ding’s graduation exam. And impressed almost everybody… okay… everybody. WAKAKAKAKA… (dun persan larr wei). Ehem Ehem.

AND the NICEST THING OF ALL IS….

Go on, guess..

…

…

…

YESH…YOU GOT IT~

I’m AGREE TO LEEHOM’S MARRIAGE PROPOSAL AND WE’RE GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW.

Hehehe, I’ll keep this NICE-THING a secret and tell you guys when I reach home on Saturday. *winks*

These 2 days (yesterday and today) have been pretty packed. ACTUALLY it’s been VERY packed since last week and I’ll be still FULLY packed all the way till NEXT WEEK before I return home to K.L. for my 1 week L.N. MP07 intensive practices.

Let me start with "Debate". There was an inter-department debate competition held by the school where each department send 4 student representatives and will then debate against other departments. WE, the conducting department sent: Huang Yi (1st Speaker), Zhou Qing Yu (2nd Speaker), Yang Yi (3rd Speaker) and Ding Yi (4th Speaker). And we were set against the Chinese-Music department.. We had 3 guys and a girl, THEY had 3 girls and a guy. The title of the debate was: 成大事居于小节

It started off with the M.C. introducing everybody… and the WHOLE floor rolled in laughters when Yang Yi was introduced. Because he flipped his chair upside down and kicked it off stage the moment he stood up to take a HUGE 90 degree bow. Well, he already look very funny, with his army head and square face. So, how could you NOT laugh?

The whole debating session was really fun, especially when it comes to the "free debate" session. You really can see what characteristics and personality a person is made of during these competition. It was really obvious that our conducting department representatives hold a higher moral value and could really think and react quickly AND calmly at the same time. Whilst our opponent from the Chinese Music Department really looked like three aunties quarelling and an uncle helping in, with all the ugly words and foul expression. Yea, no wonder not everyone’s a conductor.

Was I part of the competition? OF COURSE!!! I’m a VERY IMPORTANT AUDIENCE~ Hey, debates won’t be fun without audiences OKAY?? Anyway, WE WON. Oh, I have another role: I went up to give hugs when we won. HAHAHA… It was fun to watch and to be part of… Here’s a few very cool lines that my mates made:

Team A: 。。。由于你不拘与小节，你也许会3个月不洗脚。(something infront) You never paid any attention to the little things in life, you might not remember to watch your feet for 3 months(or something like that)

Zhou Qing Yu: 如果你病入膏肓了，医生三个月没洗脚，你会让他医你的病吗？If you are sick, and the doctor never wash his feet for 3 months, would you STILL let him heal you?

Team A: Wordless // Audience: CHEERS

Team A: 。。。由于你不拘与小节，你甚至会忘记给自己的孩子做榜样。他们也许会把脏袜子丢进饭锅里面。(something infront) You never paid any attention to the little things in life, you may not even remember to set a good example to your children, and they might end up throwing their dirty socks into the cooking pot(or something like that)

Huang Yi: 我觉得这个不是小节问题，而是个人道德修养的问题吧？ Err, I don’t think that is a problem caused by not paying attention to the little things in life. That’s more of like a morality problem.

Team A: Wordless // Audience: CHEERS

There’s more, but I don’t quite remember. Anyway, WE WON. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE…..

————————————————————————————————

The second thing I would like to talk about happened TODAY. This morning, I woke up at 7:30am and went out very soon after that to the Poly Theatre where the LONDON SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA and DANIEL HARDING will be holding a MASTERCLASS for 3 chosen young conductors. All 3 are from our conservatory (The Central Conservatory of Music, Beijing)… they are: Jiao Yang (undergrad. year 4) — doing Dvorak No.9 3rd Movement, Zhu Man (grad. year 1) — doing Dvorak No.9 1st Movement and Luo Zhen Huw (undergrad. year 3) — doing Dvorak No.9 2nd Movement.

They were chosen through a process of sending their DVDs over to London where the panel of judges form by the concertmaster and section principals chose 3 out of the 15-20 people (including me….) that send in their DVDs.

It was a REALLY REALLY cool experience. There was a massive difference when all 3 of them conduct and when Harding conducted. It was like WUAH LAO. And the LSO sounded MAGNIFICENT. I’ve never heard such good sound quality for SO LONG, LIVE somore… I wonder if the MPO can sound like them… HAHAHAHA.

Harding said quite a lot of things about the chinese students "beating" a little too much. I TOTALLY agree to everything he says… Hahaha, not like I anti chinese larr. But it’s kinda a WAY over here, which I am GRATEFUL to have Yang Li as my teacher, because he’s kinda like the REBEL of the WHOLE conducting department. HAHAHA…. Says Harding: "It’s safe to have everything accurately and precisely planned, but if you don’t take risks in music, there wouldn’t be any fun anymore." There was once he even said rather furiously: "Stop BEATING. You’re KILLING the music."

Yea, it’s kinda astonishing to see a conductor his age (he’s like SUPER YOUNG) to have such a depth and understanding for the music he conducts. *salutes* Hehehe…

After the masterclass, there was a brief Q&A session where the reporters that came could ask questions… students and audiences are welcome to ask as well. The english translation made by Chen Lin (a young assistant professor of our conservatory) was rather poorly done and when a student stood up and asked Daniel Harding question, he took quite some time to understand it. There was one question where he went totally @.@ even after translation was done for like 3 to 4 times. So I couldn’t help but babble and explained it to him (was sitting like 3 sits sengeted from his view), he grinned and nodded to gesture his understanding and said: "HAH~ You." I raised my eyebrow, puzzled at his stern tone…. and the long pause in between as though I’ve done anything wrong. Then he went: "are a conducting student." I bursted laughing, so did most of the English-understanding audiences. And I nodded in reply "HAH, Yes. I am."

The whole masterclass lasted around 4 hours before we went back to the conservatory as we have class at 2pm. Around 4pm, we returned to the Poly Theatre where we were going to watch the LSO with Daniel Harding AND LANG LANG rehearse for the night’s concert. Concert Repertoire: Mahler Symphony No.5 & Chopin Concerto for Piano No.1.

Wow, Lang Lang LIVE too? Lolx. I’m one lucky girl. Too bad we can’t take any photos… but I curi curi took around 5 photos. HAHAHA… I was told off like 2 times. Although the result ain’t very good because I couldn’t turn flash on and I was sitting on the 2nd floor, which was rather far away.

Lang Lang’s technics was a real WOW-factor. Although his music interpretation really doesn’t match the looks and expressions on his face. The very "Sweat~!" look. HAHAHA… And Daniel Harding has some very funny knee-bending ballet movements on the podium as well. *Roars in laughter*

But on a whole, it was quite an experience. For a first year, undergraduate conducting student. What a day…

It was a long long week since Professor Gulke’s arrival in Beijing. I was his OFFICIAL translator, and this morning, he left for Frankfurt. (he stays in Berlin, so he has to change plane). His appearance totally change my week’s usual rhythm and the ALREADY long hours of school TURNED longer.

I had to attend his rehearsals with the conservatory’s youth orchestra (Group A - formed by year 3 and 4 students) and translate every word he (the professor) says from English to Chinese. It was really fun as I got to know a lot of new people, and made some new friends. ALTHOUGH the hours were long and I had to stand THROUGHOUT the rehearsals… If it was a 5 hour rehearsal, I’ll be standing for 5 hours straight. Then end up with sore legs at the end.

Then when the conducting department has master-class organized, I had to ATTEND every single one of it even if it wasn’t me that’s actually INVOLVED in the class. Because I had to TRANSLATE~~ Haha, all these translating really drove me nuts for the pass week, but without doubt my chinese improved. LOL.

The conservatory’s youth orchestra performed Brahms’ Symphony No. 2 and Brahms CONCERTO for piano No.2 with Mr. Andreas Bach. So, instead of one professor, I got to know TWO of them. A conductor and a pianist… and since I’m THE most FLUENT englsh-speaking people around the few selected translators (I’m THE only foreigner), I had to take EXTRA care of the 2 professors. Like: Go to the Great Wall with them, bring them out for dinner and lunch. (But mostly with the conductor, since the pianist has his own translator)… The GOOD thing about accompanying these people is that I get to have FREE food throughout the week… lolx. Feed myself until I’m bloated all the time. Lolx.

Oh well, all is an end now that Professor Gulke has gone back to Germany and Mr. Andreas Bach is now staying with his friends and has no longer any more business with the school. I’m FREE~~~ WoooKAKAKA. They both adore me very much… Professor Gulke even calls me his little angel. (Although I insist him not doing that because, I’m not dead)… The reason why he calls me that is because he KEEPS forgetting his things, leaving them behind, dropping them elsewhere and I ALWAYS HAD TO GO LOOK FOR THEM… then I always find them larrr, that’s why he calls me his little angel. tsk tsk tsk… I Forgive him for being forgetful, considering that he’s already 73 years of age.

He’s a real SUPERMAN though. Being a person of 73 years old, he’s also has FOUR PHD degrees and is GOING to get his FITFH one this September. He’s been through World War two, so he really really knows a lot. GREAT TEACHER, though not a great conductor. He’s good, he can really tune the orchestra in details and everybody adores him because he is so very kind and nice. But oh well, great pianist ain’t necessary great piano teachers…. so, same case here.

And so, this morning, he departed.

Another sad departure is Candy, who came to stay with me for no longer than 2 weeks. I woke up at 6am and found her frozen on the ground. I jerked from my bed when I saw her body in that position, not far away from my roommate’s cupboard. She usually sleeps beside my bed in her little blanky bed I made for her, and her absence made me curious so my eyes darted around the room for her. Then it shocked me.

Dead. Just like that… Candy’s gone…

1) She didn’t freeze to death because she has her own little bed with blanket
2) It is IMPOSSIBLE to starve to death because I fed her before she went to bed
3) No way did she get food poisoning cuz if food poisoning need to be sick for a few  days before death
4) Nobody squashed her because at 4am she woke me up cuz she was scratching my bed side and I pet her and she was still jumping around… but at 6am when I woke up she was dead.
5) She couldn’t have fell from anywhere because she couldn’t jump up anywhere and she was on the ground
So… the only reason for her death so far: It’s was just, her time to go.

They tell me that those people selling these animals on the street got prob geh… and I was lucky that she actually lived 2 weeks… When she came she couldn’t even walk propery without falling over… And along these days she was improving a lot… jumping and all… then suddenly this morning… shock gila.

Maybe… she had a heartattack.

Sigh, god bless. May you rest in peace… Lotsa love~

It’s Spring in Beijing… and new leaves and flowers blossoming everywhere. Beautilfully… of course. There are white and pink flowers seen almost everywhere in school… nice nice~~

Studies are busy, as usual. I’m conducting Stravinsky’s Concerto in Re for Strings at the moment. The changes of his time signature is kinda driving me crazy. But the music is very fun… very "dancey" and cute. But that’s not what I wanna blog about…

First of all, let me wish all of you a very happy Easter~ Hehehehe… although it is 2 days late. On Easter day, I went out shopping! YAY~~~ Not for myself… for my sister and Angie, because I promised them to get them sweaters. I bought a blue one for Angie and a red Roxy one for Rong… then I saw this sweat-shirt that is REALLY nice and CHEAP.. like RMB45 for 1 and RMB70 for 2… Crazy PRICE!!! So… Hahaha, I couldn’t resist the buying temptation and bought 2… one in black (for myself) and one in reddish-pink, for Rong lorr. Lolx.

Then we went to the night-street-market along that area (wu dao kou) with people selling all sorts of stuffs ranging from little key chains, clothes to PETS like puppies, kitties… and even PIGGIES. Lolx. Then the little greyish furball caught my attention. RABBITS sized of my palm! I went nutz seeing them… i wouldn’t have bought them if they were all white or black colored bunnies… but when I saw my darling little greyish-blue furball… I went crazy. HAHAHA… Let me introduce you to baby CANDY~

I decided to name her Candy because she is JUST so SWEET~~~ She keeps licking you and wants you to pet her and when you do, she’ll rub herself against your skin and snuggle near your legs. And she’s VERY clever as well… not to mention, she knows who’s her owner (ME!). Like when my friends come and play with her and she doesn’t feel like playing with them, she’ll run to me… Or if I walk around the room, she’ll follow my feet… cute lerrr. I’m totally in LOVE with her…

Asides my lovely Candy, I’m currently on a exciting mission. Hehehe, a Conducting professor from Weiner, Germany has just landed in Beijing today~! (9th April 2007) And I’m his official TRANSLATOR throughout his stay in Beijing. His name is "Peter Gulke"… I had to wake up extra early this morning because I was going to the airport to meet this German Conducting Professor, who is supposedly very "old". I had a little idea of how he looks like… but to make things safe, I prepared a paper and wrote his name over it in CAPS and held it at the exit. His plane LA720 from Frankfurt arrived at 8:30am and he came out around 9:00am. SURPRiSINGLY, he wasn’t as OLD as I expected! I was told that he was 80++….. so I was kinda expecting this really old wrinkled man that held some tongkat and needed people to help carry his luggages for him. BUT then this 50 - 60+ looking, healthy, fast-paced man came out and when he saw me with the paper that had his name on it, he hung a broad smile over his face, and with a twinkle in his eye he winked at me.

I, of course, was on my best "good student" + "adorable active little girl" attitude. Yea, the kind of attitude that ALL teachers adore~~ Lolx. He was SUPER friendly… and I escorted him to his hotel - Minzu Hotel (20 minutes walk from school) in the school’s car of course! (Yea, the school has special cars - Black Audi 6, to fetch these big big maestroes) After he settled in the hotel, I went back to school for my darn English class. Then around 1pm, I headed back to Minzu to fetch him out for Lunch along with my department’s secretary and Shen Hao… the eat-then-sleep-for-your-life-but-never-gain-weight score-reading teacher.

We had lunch at Quan Yu De, THE place for THE best PEKING DUCK EVER FOUND on Earth. It has a history back all the way to Qing Dynasty. WOW~ Lolx. SUPER EXPENSIVE of course… we only ordered 1 roasted Peking Duck, 2 veges… and the whole table for 4 cost RMB402.70. WALAO… nevermind, all food fares are on the school anyway. Hehehehehe. Yay me, free nice food… SHen Hao was very happy of course… he ate the most. He actually HAD lunch already, and he still wanted to go. =_+""" Tsk. Professor Peter Gulke enjoyed it of course, haha… he had a hard time with chopsticks, but he’s a fast learner and is very patient. But of course in the end, he gave up and used fork instead. Lol!

After lunch, we went back to the conservatory and me and Shen Hao gave Professor Peter a little tour in school. ONLY NOW I knew that the old old building in schools were actually tracable all the way BACK to QING dynasty… WUAHLAO~ It was actually a palace for one of the prince. Hahahahaha!! I went for to practice double pianos later on when Professor and Shen Hao watched the rehearsal of Brahms Double Concerto. They came by later on to watch us practice… Chen Ke was conducting Rossini’s Barber of Seville’s Overture. He was nice enough to comment a little bit, he told us something very true: "Better to have the score in the head, not the head in the score!" Because CHen Ke was busy looking at the score instead of looking at us - his accompanist (fake orchestra).

Then he went back himself to the hotel. Said he wanted to walk around, so he walked back. HAHAHA… He’s SEVENTY THREE years old… and he’s still very active and healthy and jumpy. Lolx. Around 8pm, I went to meet him to take him out for dinner. We went to XiDan’s Taiwan Cafe and had little titbits. He was still very full from lunch, and didn’t wanted big dinners. We chat a lot, and I learned a lot… like how Rossini likes to cook more than his music… and how Kleiber had weird attitudes or how Karajan snores. HAHAHA… funny little details, but it’s really nice to know… and he’s been around since WORLD WAR II… so you can imagine how much you can learn from someone like him.

Hehehe… He’s SUPER nice to me! He gave me two big good night kisses on both my cheeks. WAKAKAKAKA, I’m super adorable, I know. Lolx.

其实我没有人家想得那么坚强
我是在逞强
其实很希望别人来帮助我
可是却没有任何人出现
任何事情都是我一个人解决
于是大家开始信任我拜托我做事
我也开始有点得意忘形了
不过是逞强而已
其实我也希望能尽情的撒娇试试

~摘自死神的歌谣

I’m not as strong as everyone thinks
I’m just pretending to be tough
I really hope that somebody would help me
But so far, usually nobody turns up
So I end up solving all the problems alone
Then everyone started believing in my abilities and asked my help
At first I thought it was fun, so I held my noes a little too high,
But I realized, that I was only pretending..
I really hope to be pampered as much as everybody else.

~From "Momo, the girl-god of death"

It never actually occured me before, but suddenly I really don’t know where am I heading. Ever since my return to start my 2nd semester, I’ve been revolving around the same question:

What am I going to be in the future?
What would my career be like?

What made me think, like SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY think? Well, a few of my friends around me are graduating… and they are partly in the same field: Conducting and composing. If you ask me last semester I might tell you: I’d be a conductor of course. But after learning for a semester and starting my second one, I found out conducting is NOT easy. I knew it was HARD in the first place… but I really didn’t expect the impact would be so big.

It would be HARDER for me than most of my conducting mates because:
I AM A GIRL.

Well, I know it would be harder for girls to LEARN and master the skill. But I’m not talking about that… the harder things are to learn, the more I like them. It’s "Gender Discrimination" that I’m talking about over here. Something that isn’t in the control of my hands. Don’t tell me there’s no such thing anymore, because I’m experiencing right here, on grounds… hard cold grounds. My dean obviously favors guy-conductors over girls… (my teacher is an exception, he adores me.. HEHEHE.) But in the conducting depart. there’s around 15 teachers, around half teaches conducting and almost half of those favors guy over girls.

Now I think back… Conducting isn’t actually a PASSION. It’s more like a hanger to hang all my "passions" together… The reason I took conducting is because:
1) I love the piano! I can play the piano well, but not well enough to become people like Lang Lang or YunDi Li…I have extremely short fingers that wouldn’t fit as a pianists… And the world doesn’t need another piano teacher…
2) I also LOVE the cello. I can play the cello rather well too, but not well enough to become YoYo Ma or Jaclyn Du’pre, plus I started the Cello at a very late age: 14. So, even with talents, it would be tough for me to race along with other cellist in the world.
3) I love singing too! I can sing very well also, and I have a good voice. But there’s already enough singers in the world, and what could you be if you take up opera-singing? An OPERA singer~ (sweat!). Pop singers? You think it’s THAT easy to step into that industry meh? My voice is some-what pop-dead, I can’t yell any note pass the octave after middle C.
4) I have a thing for Art as well… drawing, sketching, graphics, photoshopping… I can DRAW and I am definitely creative. And people that draw and sketch better than me are a whole lot out there… but the percentage of people that’s as musical talented as I am is much more smaller.
5) Oh, I love to ACT as well! I love being in somebody’s shoes, imagining what their lives would be and totally make a fool of myself in front of audiences. Drama trainers and story-telling-teachers say "I’m a natural"
6) I’m a language person… so I have good language skills, both writing and speaking. And I pick up languages very quickly.
7) Actually I also can study… My science is pas-sable, my maths is quite good, I love history, geography is managable. So I can take up quite a lot of other studying paths.
Oh, I love managing too… I like people to people relationships, I LOVE planning ahead and getting people together. My biggest living prove would be The LittleNoise Choir.
9) How can I forget this: I can COMPOSE too~ My first original work was when I was 7 years old. I wrote a short Erhu Solo piece with Piano Accompaniment… then my latest would be a FULL MUSICAL, including 12 songs, choral arranged and double pianos as accompaniment. I also wrote the script and planned everything…

People say I’m born for the stage, I believe that too… i LOVE the stage. I love the spotlight, and the applauses and love showering you from your audience as you take a huge bow after a wonderful show that came from a LOT of hard work. But having TOO many things that you are capable of is actually quite tiring, especially coming to making choices… I had a REALLY hard time choosing "Conducting"…

Because I am good at a lot, but not GREAT at them. So if I did any of those I listed above alone, I’d be "nothing-much". And I don’t want to be "nothing-much". PLUS, I LOVE to do all of those, it would be heart-breaking to say DON’T do that, you can only CHOOSE bla bla bla. Hence, I chose Conducting… because Conducting you can
1) MUST play the piano
2) Knowing the cello is an advantage, cuz you’ll know and understand more about string instruments
3) Singing is also an advantage especially when it comes to Operas and Musicals and Choral Conducting
4) Art? A good art-person is a good conductor!
5) Being a conductor, you’ll have to be a fool in front of your orchestra team-mates.
6) If you conduct in different places, you must learn new languages quickly!
7) There’s a LOT to study to become a conductor…
A conductor is a leader, and a leader MUST know how to manage
9) We get to learn composing when they train you to become a conductor. Because a conductor needs to see through the eyes of the composer before they bring the music out.

HAHA… I feel better just by typing out everything I listed above. Lolx. But I still have the "Lost" feel. Because I am really starting to doubt whether I would end up as a conductor. And if I DO… where would I be working? There’s a LOT of good conductors out there… Sigh…Where do I start???

Lost.

In winter days as snowflake flies

Lost in the crowd looking at the same blue sky

I once dream of you in a far away place

And since, millions of faces your scent I trace

I need no prove

I seek no truth

I just want to know you

On winter grounds naked foot I pace

Setting fate on a tight race

Snowflakes do guide me quick

Before the heart turns white as it hopelessly seeks

I need no names

I fear no pain

I just want to find you

Reaching my hands out into cold air

Hoping to feel your heartbeat out there

Snowflakes do tell me where

Where is that warmth that melts you away

I need no help

I wear no tear

I. You.

I got two very nice Yuan Xiao (Chinese Valentines) messages:
One from Chen Ke, my 师兄:
煮一碗香喷喷的元宵，
不远千里，
跨过挂满灯笼的街道，
闪过猜灯谜的小摊，
终于送到你的面前，
喜欢么？
是快乐馅的，
快吃呀，别凉了。。。

So warm right? Especially when it’s negative 2 degrees… reading it lifts the edge of your lips along with the heart. Then I got one from Jia Jia, a good friend:

瑞雪积丰门
闪阳照景深
正月赏灯时
围炉思旧尘
笑勘一杯酒
遥举香可闻
恭祝身体好
做个快乐人

It’s nice to see squarish chinese words formed in five down a line… nicer still, to recieve from friends, that reminds you of them who remembers you. I would send messages to everybody I know, but due to my low credit on my phone, let me do it here instead: HAPPY YUAN XIAO TO ALL MY FRIENDS~ Muacks! BEST REGARDS!

It’s the last day of 2007’s Chinese New Year, and lucky me, I get to spend it in Beijing because of all the fireworks going on about everywhere, it makes the atmosphere very different from K.L. And LUCKIER me, my soon to become 学妹 asked me out with her parents to go play fireworks with them just at the school gate. It was really fun… running away from fireworks shooting high above into the dark sky.

Silent nights turning into a noisy place immediately with the help of these noisy human creations… not to mention, smelly and dangerous as well. But all the trouble was worthwhile seeing all the colors sparkle in the sky and dropping down upon you. May I wish upon all the happy fireworks that flies above my head, that all my dreams and hopes will come true. Okay… greedy abit, all my friends’ dreams and hopes will come true as well. =)

A few more hours and it would end. Happy Chinese Valentines to all you singles out there~ Haha… It’s gonna be a new beginning tomorrow, a new start that guarentees a busy semester. Surprising how I don’t feel as though I just had a long term break, as though I’ve been working all the while. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

27th February
I’m resting my brain…
I’ve been up whole night thinking of solutions, of TIME, of PEOPLE.
"Well, and you. If there’s extra practices on saturday nights, there’s a 80% possibility that YOU will not stay. AND you didn’t BLOODY raised up your hands when I asked who has problems. Why I’m concerned?  Because you’re not just an ORDINARY member, you’re the bloody Vice PRESIDNT. The least you can do is COME for every SINGLE practice"

IT WAS SUCH AN ASS fixing the timetable…

If you add time, you’ll LOSE members because either their PARENTS are banging down your door. OR them themselves will be yelling at you, threatening to quit.

BUT if you Don’t ADD time, it’s not like the PEOPLE can sing, and are smart people that’ll get you after the first time you tell them what to do. So, you’ll have to risk not doing well for the concert.

WHICH one you prefer? Add and lose members? OR don’t add and perform horribly?

Hard.
HARD.

That’s all you people say!
How many of you actually sits down at the computer for A BLOODY 8 hours and think of a solution to the problem?

WAIT…
HOW MANY actually KNOWS that there’s a problem? I didn’t TELL???? Wait…HoW did I know the problem? God told me. Because I was good and I did all my prayers so he answered them. PAH! Seriously~

————————————————————————————

I wrote that in a conversation with Pui Mun. I swore to blog it… and here I am doing it.

It’s not easy getting so many different people together all under one roof, so I definitely do not expect any good times from nothing. It’s hard watching people that you’ve brought up and change walking out on you, saying things you cannot bear to hear and stabbing you behind your backs. Some times I really feel as though I’m the only one that actually wants this choir… as though I’m forcing everybody to go through my dream with me… as though I’m some control freak having fun ordering around.

I’m really touched when I see people actually commiting themselves to LittleNoise… when people actually enjoy doing work, enjoy giving and not expecting to recieve anything back. It’s like, I feel like I’m not alone on this. I’m not the only crazy person who’s doing all the crazy stuffs… It’s like I have friends that’s on my side. It’s such a wonderful wonderful feeling when they sit down with me just to discuss what’s been happening to LittleNoise, how they feel and how they want to be part of it.

Thank you guys so much, so very very much. Thanks for proving that the existance of LittleNoise is not only for me, but for everybody else as well. Thanks for proving that the lessons and choir practices are actually fun and worth going to, and the projects we organize is quite a big deal to each and everyone of you:
1) Kok Bing - I need to list you on LittleNoise number one name list. Thank you for showing your passion to LittleNoise because if it didn’t touch your parents, it definitely touched me. Although you… really cannot sing in tune very much, yet you’re passion is stronger than almost EVERYBODY else. GAMBATTE~
…
I suddenly feel like you topped everyone else so much, I dunno who to list on Number two. HAHAHA…

2) Angie - You’ve always been the first one my complaints and frustration reaches out to, and although you sometimes may not be mature enough to understand all of them. But you still stay on the supportive side for LittleNoise. Ever since your first practice with the choir, you’ve always rooted for it with your soul. I hope that part of you will not change as days pass.

3) Zhen Lin - Thanks for doing all the extra chores… you really touched me when you said you couldn’t sleep because you’re worried and stress over the audition day. I’ve been pushed over the cliff (dissapointed) so many times, I’m starting to forget the spirit and energy that I use to possesed when facing the LittleNoise choir. Thank you for reminding me of it, it means a lot.

4) Wu Jun - I really don’t know what to say. You’re the newest LittleNoise member, yet you made me felt really guilty. What makes LittleNoise worth all your support? You’ve done more than what you should already… Haha. I don’t know what to say. LittleNoise should be proud to have you as a member.

6) Rong - You’re the president. Live up to it.

7) Others: Yue, ShuSim, Pui Mun, Benny and all of you.

————————————————————————————–

It’s Saturday again, 8:30pm. You guys probably just finished practicing and are now chattering together… Maybe even going down for dinner to crap about more stuffs.

Being back in Beijing, I felt as though I’ve never left it. School’s about to start, and I can’t wait to see what’s installed for me in the future months. Yet I’m going to miss spending every Saturday evening with my bestest friends. You guys are the only thing I actually dread leaving K.L.

*smiles* All the best for your Midnight Puppet practices…